the curious case of mr irving and mr wilder
by Satoshi-H
Summary: High School AU. Mr. Wilder pats Mr. Irving on the back, and leads him out of the cafeteria. "Why won't anyone tell them they're in love?" Marta wistfully sighs. Emil nods in silent agreement. zelloyd


so as i joke ive been referring to this while writing it as 'the zelloyd that ended up not really being much of a zelloyd'

but yeah hahaha im so sorry ive never really written tales characters before especially not blatantly au ahaha

its my first High School AU can you believe it and it's so dumb and boring you literally don't need to know anything about tos to read it and it doesnt spoil anything

how boring

**the curious case of Mr. Irving and Mr. Wilder**

* * *

"They're doing it again." Marta whispers, and Emil follows her gaze.

Mr. Irving and Mr. Wilder are standing at the cafeteria doors, exchanging pleasantries. Mr. Irving is grinning from ear to ear and talking animatedly. Mr. Wilder is smiling too, and chuckles when Mr. Irving accidentally slams his hand on the wall next to him while gesturing.

Emil can hear Mr. Irving's 'Ow's from three tables away. Mr. Wilder pats Mr. Irving on the back, and leads him out of the cafeteria.

"Why won't anyone tell them they're in love?" Marta wistfully sighs.

Emil nods in silent agreement.

"Love is a beautiful thing, Emil." Marta says. "Mr. Irving and Mr. Wilder are just like us, Emil. We have to help them realize that they love each other!"

Emil wants to protest on their teachers being 'like us,' but tactfully keeps his mouth shut.

* * *

They're hunched conspiratorially over Emil's desk waiting for class to start, and their conversation is easily drowned out by the loud incessant chatter of the other students.

He glances over to the door when it opens, and watches Richter walk in and to his seat as the bell rings. Richter is the only senior in Emil's pre-algebra class, and he wonders if it embarrasses Richter at all. Emil would be embarrassed.

"This is _important, _Emil!" Marta glares at Richter balefully, and grabs the side of Emil's face to forcibly pull his attention back to her. "There's no time for mooning over Ass-bend, we have lives to save!"

Emil splutters indignantly. "A-Ass-bend? His name is Abend! Ri-"

Marta cuts him off with a withering look, and he sighs inwardly.

He opens his mouth, but he's cut off by Mr. Wilder sauntering into the room. Emil glances at the clock. Five minutes late, like always.

"Hey, brats! How's your Monday going?" Mr. Wilder crows.

Marta hasn't gone back to her seat yet. Emil nudges her.

She grins at him with a twinkle in her eyes before standing up straight and facing Mr. Wilder. "Is Mr. Irving okay? I saw him hit his hand at lunch."

Mr. Wilder visibly brightens at the mention of his friend. "Bud? Don't worry about him, he's fine." He chuckles.

Marta side eyes him. Emil shrugs.

"You, however-" Mr. Wilder crosses his arms and grins at Marta. "-should probably get back to your seat. You know, so we can have class. I've got a bunch of theorems to talk about today, and not nearly enough time."

Emil wants to say that maybe he'd have enough time if he got to his own class before the bell rang. But he doesn't, and Marta goes back to her desk.

* * *

Marta is talking, but Emil isn't really paying attention. He normally does, really.

Richter is just being interesting. Actually, Richter is always interesting, but watching him run in PE is really, really, interesting.

A hand cuffs the back of his head, and he trips.

To her credit, Marta doesn't keep running. She kneels down next to Emil and helps him up. There's always a first time for everything, he figures.

Marta glares at him, and raises her eyebrow as they get back to running. "Do you even have _any idea_ what I've been talking about for the last five minutes?"

Emil shakes his head.

She sighs. "Emil, I was talking about plans for Operation Lovematcher. This is important stuff, and you have to pay attention!"

Emil gives her a short blank stare, before looking around for Mr. Irving. It's not hard to spot him. He's decked out in a bright red t-shirt, and a pair of blue athletic shorts. His sneakers and socks, Emil notices, are both red too.

"I wonder if he wears that much red outside of class..." Emil ponders.

Marta, distracted, tilts her head curiously. "I'll bet he does. I mean, this is Mr. Irving we're talking about. He's got, like, red everything. I'm surprised his shorts aren't red too." She nods sagely. "You know what else is red? Mr. Wilder's hair."

Emil groans and tries to run a little faster.

* * *

They're sitting at McDonald's, sharing a smoothie. Emil would really rather have his own, but Marta insisted that it was important they 'shared' stuff like this to show people how much they were in love.

A picture of Mr. Wilder and Mr. Irving sharing a smoothie came to his mind. "Do you think Mr. Wilder and Mr. Irving would share a smoothie too?"

Marta blinks before scratching her chin. "Well- of course! I mean, this is stuff you do when you're in love." She pushes the smoothie over to him. "You can have the rest, I think I'm done. I don't want to ruin my diet."

"Since when were you on a diet?" Emil asks.

"Since we _fell in love, _Emil. Get on the same page as me, please!" She gripes, and stretches.

No matter which way Emil thinks about it, that response just doesn't make sense to him. But the last thing he wants to do is challenge Marta, so he changes the subject. Kinda.

"So about Mr. Wilder and Mr. Irving. How are you thinking we'll get them together?"

The distraction works, and Marta is immediately chewing on her thumb. "I'm not sure yet." She admits.

Emil waits. Marta chews.

They sit like that for a while. Emil knows it's been a while, because the smoothie is pretty much gone and it's making those annoying slurping sounds when he tries to get more out.

"What if..." Marta starts. Emil stops slurping. "What if we sent a present to Mr. Irving with a card saying it was from Mr. Wilder?"

"You mean like a fake present."

"Well- no, not fake! Just..."

Emil shifts in his seat. "I don't really like that idea. It seems kinda... underhanded."

Marta huffs. "Then what do you suggest?" She grumbles.

Emil thinks for a minute, slurping. "What if we just... talked to one of them? And told them about how we think the other feels."

Marta groans obnoxiously. "No, no no no! No, that's not romantic at all, Emil!"

Emil slurps at her.

* * *

Math is long the next day. Emil will be thankful until the day he dies that Marta sits too far away to hit him, because he can sit and watch Richter all class with no repercussions.

Mr. Wilder is talking in the background, something about x's and y's and numbers. Richter's eyes are glued to the whiteboard, and he's almost not looking down at his paper when he jots down notes.

Emil awkwardly looks down at his notebook and flips through it. He hasn't written a single note all year. He wonders, not for the first time, why Richter is in pre-algebra and not something smarter like calculus.

Mr. Wilder is walking down the rows now, handing papers back. Last week's test, Emil knows. His gut clenches when Mr. Wilder passes him. The paper he's given has nothing written on it besides a red 'F' in a circle and his name.

Panicked, Emil thinks back to test day.

Ah, right. That was the day Richter forgot his glasses and Emil couldn't stop staring.

He looks back down at the test in his hands, and makes up his mind.

"Hey... Richter?"

The redhead blinks in surprise and stares at him. Emil understands, he's never really tried to talk to Richter before. Not since-

"Do you think you could help me out?" Emil mutters, flushing red, and shows Richter his test.

* * *

Emil and Marta don't really hang out at Emil's house anymore. Emil doesn't like being home, and Marta understands.

For as oppressive as she can be, Emil doesn't think he'll ever appreciate anyone as much as he appreciates Marta. She's his best friend and they've been together through thick and thin. He doesn't have to tell her when something is _really _bothering him, she just seems to know and acts accordingly.

So it's a cold shock to his system when Marta ignores him. He knew talking to Richter would make her angry, but he didn't think she'd be angry enough to pretend he didn't exist.

Emil sighs. He's sitting outside the school on the grass under the shade. It's far past time to go home, but he doesn't feel like it. It's lonely without Marta.

Footsteps echo behind him. Surprised, Emil turns around. He hadn't been expecting anyone else to be here this late.

He meets the concerned eyes of Mr. Irving. The man's brown hair is whipped in the wind, and Emil thinks for a moment that it looks like a crow's nest. He's changed out of exercise clothes and Emil takes note of the fact that Yes, Mr. Irving DOES still wear all red when he's not in class.

"Are you alright, Emil?" Mr. Irving squats down next to him, arms resting on his knees.

Emil nods.

Mr. Irving frowns, and reaches up to scratch at his chin. He's got scruffy stubble all over his face. "What are you doing here this late?"

"Nothing much, Mr. Irving." Emil responds.

"Did you have a fight with Marta?"

Emil almost jumps, and flips around to stare at his teacher. "H-how did you know that?"

Mr. Irving smiles. "You two are always together. It was a good guess."

Emil's quiet for a while, but Mr. Irving shows no sign of leaving. He seems content to wait until Emil talks to him. Finally, Emil breaks. "There's this guy she really doesn't like, and I keep trying to be friends with him. It pisses her off."

"Hmm..." Mr. Irving nods. "Maybe if you could try to find a way to connect them?"

"What?" Emil has no idea what that's supposed to mean.

Mr. Irving stumbles back over his words, trying to find a way to get his idea across. "Well- I mean, like, find something they both have in common. A reason for Marta and Mystery Man to be friends, I guess?"

A reason for Marta and Richter to be friends? Emil frowns and crosses his arms over his legs.

"I'll... think about that. Thank you, Mr. Irving."

Mr. Irving smiles blindingly at him, and stands back up. "If you ever need to talk to me about anything; whether it's this or Aster or something else, I want you to know I'm here for you. Alright?"

Emil is shocked for a moment. People don't normally bring up Aster. Slowly, he smiles back. "I will. Thank you, Mr. Irving."

* * *

Emil and Richter are sitting in the library together going over the latest math chapter. Richter is very patient. Emil appreciates it, because he knows he can be slow.

It's such a relaxing air that Emil's mouth is suddenly moving before his brain, and he asks the question that's been on his mind for weeks.

"Do you miss him?"

Richter's hand stills on the paper. His knuckles go white as he grips the pencil harder.

Emil wants to grab the question back and shove it back into his mouth.

Slowly, Richter sets the pencil down onto the table. Emil's fingers itch to start packing everything up and run.

"... Yes. I do." Richter whispers, and his eyes slide down to the ground.

"I- I never really knew him. I mean, he was my half-brother, but- I'd only really met him once or twice."

For a moment, Emil is terrified he's gone too far. He should really just stop talking now, and-

"He was... a good person." Richter still isn't looking at him. "Aster was my best friend."

"Do you... can you- ... Do you want to ... tell me about him?" Emil can barely get the sentence out.

Richter stares openly at him and-

-smiles.

* * *

Emil learns a lot about his half-brother that day. They're all stories he's never heard before, and Richter seems to get a lot off his chest talking about them.

Turns out Richter _had _been in a more advanced math class last year, but when Aster had died he'd skipped out on school for six months. They'd dropped him back down to pre-algebra because of it.

They talk until the lunch bell rings, and Emil can't help the smile that creeps onto his face when they walk to math together. Marta looks like she's swallowed a lemon when she sees them, and turns away.

Emil feels that little fluttering butterfly of happiness in his stomach die out.

* * *

Because Marta still isn't talking to him, Emil hangs around Richter.

One day, they're in the library during lunch again when Emil asks Richter a mindless question.

"Do you think Mr. Wilder and Mr. Irving like each other?"

Richter stares at him hard, before shrugging.

"Of course," he replies. "You'd have to be an idiot not to notice."

* * *

When Emil gets Marta to listen to him for just a few seconds he blurts out that Richter thinks Mr. Wilder and Mr. Irving are in love too. Marta freezes, before looking at the redhead calculatingly.

Richter stares at her impassively. "I live next door to Mr. Wilder." he says.

And just like that, Marta twinkles again.

Marta is buzzing excitedly, peering out Richter's bedroom window. She says she can see into Mr. Wilder's front room.

Emil wants to bring up privacy rights, but decides against it.

Especially when an ugly little red jeep pulls up into Mr. Wilder's driveway and Mr. Irving gets out.

* * *

oh my god

this is one of the stupidest things ive ever written and its all kiersten's fault

no but really im probably gonna write a little second chapter with more lloyd and zelos because this is atrocious


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